1. The Parking Meter
The majority of us are still wallowing in an economic crisis and struggle by the day just to financially support ourselves. Enter the Parking Meter, a woman that is determined to see more action from the presidents printed on your money instead of you. Her coup de grâce is declaring any normal outing with you as a date, which in turn forces you to pay for her for all activities planned for the day. She guzzles your wallet by the dollar like a Russian having a field day with vodka and will continue to gut your wallet by the hour because there is no free parking, gentlemen.
2. The “I Wear the Pants in the Relationship” Girl
You’ve made this girl upset over something frivolous and has unsuccessfully deployed her entire arsenal of arguments to make you look like the bad guy. When all else fails, she will resort to, “Well, I feel that I wear the pants in the relationship!” This death blow is a phenomenon commonly used in relationships. It signals that she has overcome women’s oppression and now possesses the dick to dictate how things work in the relationship. In reality, her version of wearing the pants is yelling at you while she’s curled up on a bed crying, expecting you to make a desirable change just for her.
3. The Feminazi
Feminists are great, but not feminists who absolutely hate men. If you date the Feminazi, expect a verbal beat down in public whenever you attempt to hold the door open for her or any other nice gesture your mother taught you as a child. She will undoubtedly never shave her legs as she’ll be sure to tell you, “I refuse to give in to your every male-like demand! I will never shave my legs just so I can look attractive to you.” A two for the price of one deal kind of girl, she is likely also a “I Wear the Pants in the Relationship” girl.
4. The Detective
In the Detective’s court of law, it’s practically impossible to prove your innocence when it comes to anything. She’s constantly high-strung with an overly ambitious imagination. 95% of the time she will charge you with the crime of cheating, even if you’re caught red handed speaking to your mother over the phone. She’ll quickly throw together a case, going so far as to pluck a hair off your head while you’re innocently watching T.V. and retreat to her underground laboratory, obsessively trying to match your D.N.A. with another hair she found at some chick’s house. When the Detective’s case goes cold, she’ll confront you and make up a story so ridiculous that only she can believe it.
5. The Sexter
She doesn’t want to have sex with you, so instead she elects to do her damage over a cellular device much to your dismay. Somehow, she’s expecting a pornographic novel from you each and every text, although you aren’t sure how words from your filthy sewer could ever make her wet because you don’t hold a candle to Edward Cullen. It isn’t long until she verbalizes her displeasure with your efforts, therefore killing your technological boner and any chance you ever had of legitimately bedding her.
6. The Wood Chipper
The physically sexual counterpart of the Sexter, this girl elects to do her damage in the bedroom, sometimes with her mouth. She’s relatively excited to do some dirty deeds, but quickly kills the mood when the common blowjob turns into a Saw trap and you’re fighting for your life. You don’t have the heart to relay to this sexually naive individual that she’s doing it wrong, so you decide it’s best if you just lay back and let her teeth turn your penis into a modern art masterpiece.
7. The “I Need Compliments Daily” Girl
A girl who already acknowledges, judging from numerous comments and likes on her Facebook photos, that she is physically beautiful. That doesn’t stop her from incessantly searching for compliments no matter the time of day. Eventually, even as her boyfriend, your opinion won’t matter anymore because she’s busy recruiting other ogling eyes in order to determine who wants to have sex with her next. This business plan will leave you in the dust wondering why you aren’t good enough. Simply, she’s a whore.
My Seven Devils 